A few days ago my friend D sent me a link announcing that there would be a Broadway Showtunes event in the park last night. It sounded fun to me, so I said we'd go. On Friday afternoon I texted my brother-in-law (the one married to my brother) to tell him we were doing showtunes in the park, because they live in Boston and we live in Oklahoma and it's not that often that we have weekend plans that sound like the kind of thing Max & Justin would be interested in.
So when B, H, and I got to the park, the crowd seemed REALLY white, and there were LOTS of kids there. I mean, we brought our kid, and if D had come (which she did not) she would have brought her three kids, so we had it pictured as a kid-friendly event, but I'm saying there were LOTS of kids there. I was getting a little bit of a weird vibe from the crowd, and we'd been there for about 5 minutes when I got a text from D apologizing for inviting us to an event put on by the Mormons.
What followed was, as the title of this post indicates, the least gay showtunes night EVER. When they did the song from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers my mind kind of boggled. There were LOTS of numbers that were about getting a girlfriend and then marrying her and having babies with her. I mean they were all from musicals I know, and they were mostly songs I'd heard before but when you hear them in the park with, like, a thousand mormons (especially when you thought you were going to a rainbow pride-type event), things take on a more ominous tone.
When 10 or so guys got up and did a number from South Pacific, I thought this has got to be the straightest cast that ever did this number. I was vaguely uneasy for the entire hour and a half that the event lasted, but nowhere near as uneasy as I would have been if we had done as we usually do when we go to live music events in the park and stopped for a 6-pack of beer.
Queef with faces.
17 hours ago