Here's how it all went down: About 9 years ago, I was 32ish and I'd been attending college my entire adult life. They'd given me the last piece of paper it seemed like they were going to give me unless I really shifted interests, and it was time to get a real job. Real jobs suck, so I decided to have a kid instead.
Fast forward to last week when Mrs. Bassett's 3rd grade class ended their science unit on anoles (you may know them as North American chameleons). There was to be a drawing to see which kids would "win" the anoles, and in a moment of weakness and stupidity B and I signed the permission slip to get H entered in the drawing. Well, duh! Only 6 parents were stupid enough to sign the slips, so everyone who was willing got an anole.
Fast forward to this afternoon when B went with a cardboard box to get H and her anole from school. Mrs. Bassett said, "I think you need two." And apparently neither B nor H was able to think anything but, "Mom will freak, . . . but OKAY!"
Rewind to yesterday afternoon when I spent $65 at Petco buying a tank, a rock with a heater in it, and . . . wait for it . . . 3 live crickets. . . . I BOUGHT crickets. Yep. Paid cash!
I should have gotten a real job.
Queef with faces.
17 hours ago